Aren’t all single people safe? When we think about people who have been single for a long time, we might assume that it’s because single people experience insecurities that make it difficult for them to find a partner or maintain a relationship.
But is it true? Or can long-term singles also be safe and thriving?
Our latest research published in the Journal of Personality suggests it’s possible. However, perhaps not surprisingly, not everyone tends to thrive in singlehood. Our study shows that a crucial factor may be a person’s attachment style.
Celibacy is on the rise
Singlehood is on the rise all over the world. In Canada, single status among young adults aged 25 to 29 has increased from 32% in 1981 to 61% in 2021. The number of people living alone has fallen from 1.7 million people in 1981 to 4. 4 million in 2021.
People are single for many reasons: some choose to remain single, some focus on their personal goals and aspirations, some report that dating has become more difficult, and some become single again due to a relationship breakdown.
People may also remain single due to their attachment style. Attachment theory is a popular and well-researched model for how we form relationships with other people. An Amazon search for attachment theory returns thousands of titles. The hashtag #attachmenttheory has been viewed over 140 million times on TikTok alone.
What does attachment theory say about relationships?
Attachment theory suggests that our relationships with others are shaped by our level of “anxiety” and “avoidance.”
Attachment anxiety is a type of insecurity that causes people to feel anxious about relationships and worry about abandonment. Attachment avoidance causes people to feel uncomfortable with intimacy and closeness.
People who exhibit less attachment anxiety and avoidance are considered “securely attached” and are comfortable depending on others and giving and receiving intimacy.
Single people are often stereotyped as being too clingy or uncommitted. Research comparing single and partnered people also suggests that single people have higher levels of attachment insecurity than partnered people.
At the same time, data suggests that many single people choose to remain single and live happy lives.
Singles represent a diverse group of secure and insecure people
In our latest research, our team of social and clinical psychologists examined single people’s attachment styles and how they relate to their happiness and well-being.
We carried out two studies, one with 482 younger singles and the other with 400 older long-term singles. We found that overall, 78% were classified as insecure, with the remaining 22% being secure.
Looking closer at our results, we found four distinct subgroups of singles:
- Secure singles are relatively comfortable with intimacy and closeness in relationships (22%)
- Anxious singles wonder if others like them and fear rejection (37%)
- Avoidant singles are uncomfortable getting close to others and prioritize their independence (23% of younger singles and 11% of older long-term singles)
- Fearful singles have increased anxiety about abandonment but are simultaneously uncomfortable with intimacy and closeness (16% of younger singles and 28% of older long-term singles).
Insecure Singles Find Singlehood Difficult, But Secure Singles Thrive
Our results also revealed that these distinct subgroups of singles have distinct experiences and outcomes.
Secure singles are happy being single, have a greater number of non-romantic relationships, and better relationships with family and friends. They satisfy their sexual needs outside of romantic relationships and feel happier overall in their lives. Interestingly, this group maintains moderate interest in pursuing a romantic relationship in the future.
Anxious singles tend to be the most worried about being single, have lower self-esteem, feel less supported by loved ones, and have some of the lowest levels of life satisfaction among all sub-districts. groups.
Avoidant singles are those who are least interested in a romantic relationship and, in many ways, seem content with being single. However, they also have fewer friends and close relationships, and are generally less satisfied with those relationships than affluent singles. Avoidant singles also report less meaning in life and tend to be less happy than secure singles.
Fearful singles reported more difficulty forming close relationships than secure singles. For example, they were less able to regulate their emotions and were less satisfied with the quality of their close relationships compared to secure singles. They also reported some of the lowest levels of life satisfaction among all subgroups.
Not everything is catastrophic
These results should be considered alongside several relevant points. First, although most singles in our sample were insecure (78%), a significant number were secure and successful (22%).
Additionally, simply having a romantic relationship is not a panacea. Being in an unhappy relationship is linked to poorer life outcomes than being single.
It is also important to remember that attachment orientations are not necessarily fixed. They are open to change in response to life events.
Likewise, sensitive and responsive behaviors from significant others and the feeling of being loved and cared for by them can soothe underlying attachment issues and promote attachment security over time. .
Our studies are among the first to examine the diversity of attachment styles among single adults. Our findings highlight that many single people are secure and thriving, but also that more efforts can be made to help insecure single people feel more secure in order to promote happiness.
Christopher Pepping, associate professor of clinical psychology, Griffith University; Geoff Macdonald, professor of psychology, University of Toronto; Tim Cronin, lecturer in clinical psychology, La Trobe Universityand Yuthika Girme, associate professor, Department of Psychology, Simon Fraser University
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.