Growing up, my dad would show us old movies and sometimes blurt out, “Ah, they don’t make them like that anymore!” It was the ultimate compliment. Whatever happens, it’s a sort of old-fashioned Hollywood sweep, but the tipping point came at a time of retrograde politics of when men were men. (“Very funny,” my mother usually replied.) I suspect that if I watched Horizon: An American Saga — Chapter 1 (in theaters Friday) with my old man and I drank a shot of whiskey every time he said this sentence, the local firefighters pronounced me dead before halfway through the film.
Notably, half of the run is a full 90 minutes, and that’s only for the first of four films planned individually within this framework. American saga. (Chapter 2 comes out on August 16, while chapter 3 is in production now.) What’s strangest about this three-hour film, however, is that despite some deathly slow fixes, it still feels like an hour was cut from it, considering of how the characters develop off-screen. Repeatedly, there are scenes that suggest deep, lasting relationships between people…that must have happened while the camera was elsewhere.
Warner Bros.
It’s irritating but perhaps necessary, given the number of characters introduced. Indeed, the director, co-writer and above all co-financier Kevin Costner only makes his first appearance on screen after (exactly) an hour. When he appears, prepare to be handed the silliest hat in modern cinema. Everyone in this movie looks cool in their western duds, except for Kevin, sporting an extremely high blue eyelid.
Several plots are introduced in Chapter 1and, just so you know, they won’t cross paths until at least the next episode. We are in the middle of the American Civil War, and as the Union and Confederacy kill each other at Antietam and Bull Run, many head west to a new colony called Horizon. Although it appears, at first glance, to be a haven of square dancing, good mansions and even some racial harmony (there is a black family who seems to fit in perfectly with the rest of the community, plus a Mexican who seems to be a welcome member of the gang), there’s the small matter of the burgeoning town that sits right in the middle of the White Mountain Apache’s hunting grounds.
It’s unclear how aware the newcomers are of their intrusion, but before you can get to the heart of the matter, the native warriors gallop in and slaughter almost everyone in sight. It’s an extremely effective sequence, even if (how should I put it?) difficultin 2024, to see white women with angelic blonde hair cowering in fear and Pa Kettle types clutching their folk fiddles while bloodthirsty Indians barge in with hatchets. Later, there’s talk about how most of the tribe seems to want to coexist (#NotAllApache), but the searing images remain.
Anyway, one of these blondes is Frances Kittredge (Sienna Miller), who narrowly survives the attack with her (also blonde) daughter Lizzie (Georgia MacPhail). They are eventually taken to safety, to a more solid outpost run by the pessimistic Colonel Houghton (Danny Huston) and the handsome and conciliatory Lieutenant Trent Gephart (Sam Worthington), who quickly begins to make eyes at the newly widowed Frances . Young Lizzie soon becomes a sort of camp mascot, culminating in a scene involving a quilt so ridiculous it would make the producers of Little House on the Prairie to blush.
Warner Bros.
Meanwhile, some of the men who survived the attack go on the hunt, seeking revenge. There’s a market for Indian scalps, and the gang doesn’t seem too concerned about finding the right guys or not. Despite all this, another convoy of wagons heads to Horizon, led by Luke Wilson, who has to deal with broken axles, a posh British couple not doing their job, disgusting sexual parasites on the team. work and, you guessed it, more Indians!
But Kevin Costner is in this movie, right? Yes, and sad to say, his storyline is actually the least interesting. Before trouble comes to Horizon – full of ants, scorpions and heat – Ellen (Jena Malone) is in snowy Montana territory and shoots a man for what hurt him. She packs her bags with her baby and runs away. The man’s two grown-up sons, Junior (Jon Beavers) and Caleb (Jamie Campbell Bower), will move heaven and earth to avenge Pappy – although, judging by Caleb, he always finds a way to bring in his stylist staff. (Was there moss in the Wild West? Horizon suggests yes.)
How does this involve Kevin Costner? I arrive there. This film requires patience.
Richard Foreman/Warner Bros.
Ellen finds herself in Wyoming Territory, in a small mining town. She lives with a jerk and also with one of the town’s many prostitutes, Marigold (Abbey Lee), whose anachronistic acting style is appalling but at least not boring. Marigold interests a passing laborer, Hayes Ellison (Costner, finally!), in her wares, and just after he cleans up for an evening of services, the evil Caleb shows up on his way to the shared house looking for Ellen’s child. It ends in a shootout, and soon Hayes, Marigold and the child are on the run. Costner, 69, who wanted this project made, makes sure to include a scene in which former supermodel Lee mounts him, tells him to lie there and fornicates him until he gets a good night’s sleep. Hollywood is an incredible place.
There are several other characters (Frances’ stepfather is on that wagon train) and small storylines (the Apaches have a scene or two), but the big point is that none of it is on point to be resolved. Of course, this is mitigated by knowing Chapter 2 is upon us, but at a time when we need to encourage adults to spend the time and money to see something in theaters – especially when we can stream it Yellow stone and its many prequels from the comfort of your couch — Horizons is a big ask. I’m just not sure how much audience buy-in to the ending of this movie, even if the last five minutes are a ridiculous montage of “scenes to come.” (This especially makes no sense because a lot of the characters that flash on screen weren’t even introduced in Chapter 1.)
What works here, of course, is the decor of the place. There’s nothing better than the American West when it comes to looks. Plus, the music, by John Debney, is the good cheesy type – it’s the loudest, most propulsive version of “you just sat down to watch an introductory video at a state park” that you’ve ever heard. It’s a compliment, I swear.
It is possible that Horizon will bomb so horribly that Costner never crosses the finish line. Out of curiosity, I really hope he gets there. They don’t make them like that anymore. Grade: C