Photo: EminemMusic via YouTube
It’s been 25 years since Slim Shady’s LP catapulted Eminem to superstardom, cementing his bleach-blond bad-boy persona in the pop culture canon. Mothers got upset, pearls were grabbed, and Dr. Dre and Jimmy Iovine laughed all the way to the bank. Over the years, Eminem has attempted to move past the alter ego that made him famous by quitting drugs and devoting himself to fatherhood. He’s also made a handful of awful albums, suggesting that without a persona to dump all the disgusting shit floating around in his mind onto, Eminem just isn’t that interesting.
His latest album, The Death of Slim Shady (Coup de Grâce)purports to end Slim’s persona, but in practice it feels like it’s digging him up again for one last chance to incite and shock us with his depraved thoughts. Unfortunately for Slim, the world has changed. Even if Slim Shady is “just a character,” the rape jokes, fat stigma, transphobia, and politically incorrect statements don’t hit home like they used to—and for many, they clearly never did—leaving Em looking less like an angry provocateur and more like Steve Buscemi with a skateboard and a Music Band T-shirt.
Eminem remains a commercial force to be reckoned with and will likely debut at No. 1 on the charts once again, but for a rapper obsessed with his legacy as a scathing lyricist, his writing here is beyond embarrassing. Tired metaphors, crude innuendos, childish rape jokes—there’s even a line that suggests he’s bragging about putting feces in a 15-year-old girl’s mouth. The fact that these lyrics come from the perspective of a noxious character doesn’t make them any more palatable. In celebration of Eminem’s funeral rites for his toxic, banal alter ego, we’ve rounded up the ten most exhausting lines from The Death of Slim ShadyLet’s hope he stays dead.
10. (tied at three) “Bitch, I was in them trenches like them Columbine shooters” (“Lucifer”)
“I put a charger in the Uz’ that I can’t wait to use, I look like Nikolas Cruz” (“Antichrist”)
“Kyle Rittenhouse, spitting bullets, TEC shooting like…” (“Fuel”)
While some rappers idolize Western mobsters or gunslingers, Slim Shady’s heroes seem to be pale, unsociable losers with little skill with firearms. But the reference to Rittenhouse is curious, to say the least, because his enduring image is not that of the deaths he caused, but of the crocodile tears he shed on the witness stand. Is he your king?!
9. “If I asked Megan Thee Stallion if she wanted to collaborate with me / Would I really have a chance at something?” (“Houdini”)
It’s really baffling that anyone, anywhere, finds it funny that Megan Thee Stallion got shot in the feet. She was shot and literally tried to run away! Yet people are desperate to make fun of her instead of the circus clown who attacked her and then tried to hide behind her son in court.
Moreover, this double meaning is as stupid as anything.
8. “What, you fell dead on my lap? You call that a blowjob? / I suck my dick better than you, haha” (“Antichrist”)
In another context, this line might be funny. Imagine it delivered in a tongue-in-cheek, comedic tone by reformed homophobic and gay rapper Tyler, the Creator. But coming from Slim Shady, a fan of rape jokes, it’s just over the top.
7. “But I can show you the ropes until you get the hang of it / Elephantiasis of nuts, element.” (“Renaissance”)
You got it? His nuts are so big they hang down really low!
6. “If your arms, legs, feet and hands are numb / You fell and you can’t get up / This is a brand new dance, this is my Chris anthem, I / Give Chris Reeves his chrysanthemums.” (“Brand new dance”)
Eminem has a long and storied history of conflict with Christopher Reeve. The actor famous for playing Superman in feature films, he later became an advocate for paralysis research after a devastating spinal injury suffered in a fall from a horse left him paralyzed from the neck down. Eminem has mentioned him more than three dozen times in his music, and on The Death of Slim ShadyHe admits he’s had this song in mind for years. In what is perhaps the most shocking revelation of a career defined by them, he apparently thought releasing this wheelchair dance number – complete with a neighing horse for good measure – shortly after Keanu Reeve’s death would have been in poor taste. Thankfully, he’s come to his senses and released it now, with the accusation that Keanu Reeve died on purpose to stop him from releasing the song. A true class act.
5. “Next idiot that asks me got his ass kicked worse than Diddy (censored) / But to be honest, / She probably ran out the room with her motherfucking dildo / Tried to pull her out, she told me to calm down / Now put it back in my ass and put the steel tips on me.” (“Antichrist”)
Most of Eminem’s shocking characters are so dated (Reeve, Kim Jong-il, Kurt Cobain) that the “Gen Z” haters he accuses of trying to “cancel” him probably won’t recognize them all. Which is why this thinly veiled dig at Diddy’s ex Cassie—who has accused Diddy of rape, battery, and various forms of abuse and was seen in a recently unearthed video being violently assaulted by the mogul—is so cowardly. He’s quick to jump on the bandwagon of Twitter comedians making jokes about Diddy’s alleged encounters with men, but clearly doesn’t want to slam Cassie’s legal team, censoring her name in the piece. Say it from the heart, buddy.
4. “In the coupe, leaning back in my seat / Banging R. Kelly’s favorite band, the Black Guy Pees.” (“Houdini”)
Eminem may be the last person to think R. Kelly’s sex crimes are still funny. Most of us came to our senses when it was revealed that the girl he urinated on in his infamous video was a child, or when he was convicted of sex trafficking, or when he “married” a 15-year-old girl named Aaliyah. Somewhere, will.i.am is wondering how he got involved in all this.
3. “By the way, I think I just gave Skylar Gray hepatitis A.” (“Wrong”)
A rather cute way to salute your friend and frequent collaborator on a track, suggesting that you gave them a virus that is primarily transmitted by pooping in your mouth. Or maybe it’s a nod to the 15-year-old actress with a similar name who appears on the TV show that shares the track’s title?
2. “I’m like a RAPPER / I got so many SA, SA / Wait, he didn’t just spell the word “rapper” and leave out a P, did he?” (“Fuel”)
The rape “jokes” in Eminem’s old songs were tired when they first came out, but with this nursery rhyme nonsense, he’s managed to reach a new level. One wonders if anyone ever told him that if you have to explain why the joke is funny, then it’s not really funny.
1. “At first it was light / But I feel like I’m targeted / It’s mind-boggling how my profit has skyrocketed, look what I’ve pocketed.” (“Houdini”)
This is the least explicit bar on this list, but the most embarrassing. At the same time, Marshall complains about feeling “targeted” and acknowledges how profitable it is to say disgusting things that shock and offend people. He’s always been this cynical, but playing the victim while attacking almost every marginalized group he can think of is Eminem at his most pathetic.