Your heart tells you you’re 27, but your birth certificate says you’re 42. For many of us, there’s a big difference between how old we are feel inside (i.e. our subjective age) and how old we actually are (our objective age) based on, you know, calendars and the passage of time.
“Objective age is a reality,” health expert and hypnotherapist Dian Griesel tells Yahoo Life. “We can’t change it. A year is a year. But subjective age is a mental attitude that is based on action.”
It’s in the action that things get interesting, and where our daily choices influence our perception of age. Griesel is in her 60s, but she subjectively feels much younger. “I can choose to accept my senior pass, enjoy early-bird dinners, and retire to a rocking chair,” she says. “But I choose to work, to create, to go out for a walk at 10 p.m. to see what the kids are up to, to eat as well as I can, and to move my body.”
She’s not alone. Studies have shown that older people typically feel 20% younger than they are. Research also shows that people with higher subjective ages—who already feel older than they are—tend to be more physically frail.
“This phenomenon reflects an individual’s perception of their own aging and reinforces the idea that ‘you are as old as you feel,'” Dr. Rehan Aziz, a psychiatrist and professor at Hackensack Meridian School of Medicine, tells Yahoo Life.
So what factors influence our subjective age, and can feeling younger help us age better? Here’s what the experts say.
What influences our subjective age – and why it matters
Subjective age refers to people’s perception of themselves, which can be very different from their calendar age. According to clinical psychologist and professor of psychiatry Georgia Witkin, “subjective age depends largely on your health, your energy level, your lifestyle, and how you actively choose to define yourself.”
Therapist Natalie Rosado agrees. “When you cultivate a positive mindset and engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, your subjective age can often seem much younger than your chronological age,” she tells Yahoo Life.
Several factors can influence our subjective age, including:
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Mental Health: A positive state of mental health and well-being is often associated with a feeling of youthfulness. On the other hand, “feelings such as depression, stress or anxiety can make you feel older,” says Aziz.
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Welfare: Strong and active social networks (human/community type, not Facebook type) contribute to younger subjective ages.
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Physical health: ““Good physical health and fitness are associated with younger subjective age,” Aziz says. On the other hand, chronic diseases can contribute to making us feel older.
Studies have also shown that changes in brain structures can increase your subjective age, as can poor or insufficient sleep.
Aziz believes that subjective age is a major indicator of various health problems. “Feeling old is associated with lower self-esteem, increased mortality, depression and increased rates of disease,” he explains.
Can subjective age change?
Our subjective age can change dramatically over time, as different life events suddenly make us feel old or young—parenthood, divorce, retirement, new jobs, illness, or going back to school, to name a few. “Have you ever seen someone retire and suddenly act like a college student on spring break?” Rosado points out.
Vikas Keshri, a social worker, adds that “having a child can make you feel older because of new responsibilities, while taking up a new hobby or overcoming a challenge can make you feel younger.” But in general, the older we get, the more we start falling into that category of people who feel 20% younger than we actually are.
Making Peace with Subjective Age
While research has shown that subjective age may be linked to better overall well-being, “it’s important to focus on feeling good, not necessarily younger,” Keshri cautions. “There’s beauty in every stage of life.”
Additionally, when there’s a significant mismatch between your age and how you feel, “it can lead to feelings of inconsistency or dissatisfaction,” Rosado says. Finding a happy medium between your objective and subjective ages is all about “accepting the moment, honoring your life journey, and finding joy in activities that resonate with your youthful spirit,” Rosado says. “Acceptance and self-compassion are key to aligning how you feel with your age.”
So what can you do to love where you are right now, without worrying too much about your real age?
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Accepting aging. This is the jackpot. ““Accepting and celebrating the aging process can reduce negative perceptions about aging,” Aziz says. Witkin adds: “(Viewing) aging as a series of changes… will go a long way in not “making us feel like victims of time.”
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Participate in anti-aging activities. Staying active and healthy, maintaining social connections and “doing intellectually stimulating activities can help people feel younger,” Aziz says.
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Focus on positive aging. “Emphasizing the benefits and opportunities that come with age, such as wisdom and experience, can change your perspective,” Aziz says. Remember that there are many benefits to your current situation, including having “overcome the uncertainties and insecurities of your youth,” he adds.
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Practice self-compassion. It can help you let the stress of aging wash over you because you are able to love and be compassionate towards yourself, even on your bad days.
Overall, subjective age is a great reminder that we have some influence over how we age and how quickly we age. “Remember: Age is just a number, and subjective age is, well, subjective!” Rosado says. “So embrace your inner child, or your inner sage.”
“Over the years, I’ve changed my view of age,” Griesel adds. “Objectively, I know that the time on Earth for all living things is limited. Subjectively, I can be as alive as I want to be on any given day if I choose to show up and enjoy the moment.”