For most of his life, singer David Archuleta was a devout member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints – until inner turmoil over his sexuality nearly drove him to self-harm .
“The Church places a lot of emphasis on the family; you’re supposed to get married and have babies, start a family, and that’s your ultimate goal in life,” the “American Idol” alum said. “One must marry and have children to receive the highest form of heaven. I knew I couldn’t get it. So I thought it would be better to commit suicide than to escape from the highest heaven.
Today, Archuleta, 33, is reinventing herself with new music, a memoir in the works and a more authentic life. After coming out as queer in 2021, he left the church (widely known as the Mormon Church) in 2022. In March, he won a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Breakthrough Musical Artist, and in April, he made an emotional return to “Idol” as a guest artist.
Of Honduran and Spanish descent, Archuleta gained national prominence in 2008 as a finalist on “American Idol.” It was a heady experience for the Utah teenager. “At that time there were about 30 million people watching every week, so I thought, ‘Who am I supposed to be to everyone?’ I didn’t really know,” Archuleta recalls. He described the experience as “overwhelming,” although “it taught me to keep pushing my limits.”
After releasing several albums, Archuleta took time off from his music career in 2012 to serve a two-year stint as a missionary for the church in Chile. “I took my religion and my faith very seriously,” he said. “And I really enjoyed that; I liked it. But there are parts that are very delicate and difficult.
As a young adult, Archuleta began to face issues he had struggled with for over 20 years, which led him to depression, anxiety, and despair. “In the Church, they say that homosexuality is a sin, it is the devil. I thought, “Oh, my God, I don’t want to belong to the devil.” So let me continue to pray and fast and try to be obedient.’ » At his lowest, Archuleta believed that God would forgive him more if he killed himself than if he were gay. “I thought ending my life would be better than becoming evil for allowing myself to fall in love with someone of the same sex.”
Once a church poster boy who performed with the Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square (formerly the Mormon Tabernacle Choir), Archuleta initially kept his crisis of faith to himself. But he came to feel, after praying, that God wanted him to come forward publicly. Once he revealed to People magazine that he was “walking away” from his religion, he dreaded speaking with his mother, a church member. “I thought she is so angry at me for offending her religion by leaving her.”
His mother’s reaction shocked him: she told him that she had also decided to leave the church. “She said, ‘If you go to hell, then we’ll all go to hell with you,'” Archuleta recalled. It was this revelation that inspired him to write his latest single, “Hell Together.”
In an essay published last year for QSaltLake magazine, Archuleta’s mother, Lupe Marie Bartholomew, explained her decision to leave the church, writing: “I didn’t teach my children their whole lives to serve and to love a God who does not accept them. God is love.”
NBC News requested an interview with a church spokesperson; although it has not made one available, the Church has provided links to its teachings, which state that sexual relations are only appropriate between a legally married man and woman and that acting on the Same-sex attraction is a sin.
Archuleta’s journey away from her faith illustrates a challenge facing the Church. U.S. Latinos make up a growing share of the Church’s ranks — and at the same time, they are more likely than other racial and ethnic groups to identify as LGBTQ.
“We applaud parents like David’s ‘Mama Lupe’ for doing the work necessary to understand and support their sons and daughters in living authentically,” said Fred Bowers, president of Affirmation, a global group that helps people to define their spirituality and their intersection with the Mormon church. Many parents in his group took actions similar to those of Archuleta’s mother after their son or daughter’s revelation.
Bowers said there is no one type of LGBTQ Mormon. “This is not the case, because we are all so varied and different that we have a vast spatial spectrum within which we make decisions about our relationships with the Church,” he said. Those who question their faith simply need to be supported wherever they are in their spiritual process, Bowers said, adding: “Some LGBTQIA Mormons still attend church, some enter into traditional marriages, some stay in the closet and others leave. We are really not monolithic.
Ignacio Garcia, a professor of Western and Latino history at Brigham Young University and a member of the Church, said Church leaders’ attitude toward LGBTQ people has gradually shifted from hostility to concern , then not knowing what to do. “They are concerned because LGBT people represent a fundamental challenge to Latter-day Saint theology. »
LGBTQ issues matter not only to U.S. Latinos in the Church, Garcia noted, but also to its growing Latino membership. One Church elder estimated that by 2025 there will be as many members in Latin America as there are in the United States and Canada.
Church members believe in both a Heavenly Father and a Heavenly Mother and that families can be bound together in the afterlife for eternity. Some LGBTQ people who are in the church, Garcia said, examine these concepts and wonder how — or if — they can fit into them. Many Latino converts to the Church, like other Americans, have family members and loved ones who identify as LGBTQ.
“We have not yet reached the point where the Church is addressing these issues, because, theologically or scripturally, the basis for saying that LGBT people are not entirely acceptable to receive the greatest blessings and opportunities is very thin,” Garcia said.
The Church’s policies toward LGBTQ people are not based on Scripture or what are called prophetic statements, Garcia added. “The Church encourages its members to be kind and welcoming to all people, including members of the LGBT community, but it still needs to grapple with what some see as its own theological limitations. »
Because he was a practicing member of the church, Archuleta had never drank cafécito (coffee) or tasted alcohol until 2022. His first kiss with another man took place when he was 30 years old.
“Now I just want to show people that I left the church and I’m happy,” he said. “Often when you’re in a more closed community, people try to make you feel like if you leave you won’t be happy. But I’m happier where I am. I am much happier.
Looking ahead, Archuleta hopes to make a Spanish-language album and a dance music album, and he will perform at several Pride events this summer. “For me, things really feel like another chance to live – because there was a point where I almost thought that not living was the solution.”
Coming out “was very scary,” he said. “But for me, it was worth it. …There is a community even outside of your first community, and it’s very beautiful. And you can feel like you have family, support, and a meaningful life.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, call 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis lifeline. You can also call the network, formerly known as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 800-273-8255, text HOME to 741741, or visit SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for additional resources.