Do you hold grudges? Are you someone who dwells and stews over past arguments, enraged by pent-up fury and resentment?
It is easy to do. You might feel a lasting sense of anger toward someone who let you down or bullied you. Maybe someone took credit for your work or made a nasty comment.
Maybe they gossiped about you or created unnecessary drama. It could be something much more trivial and insignificant. Whatever the reason, you just can’t get over it, stubbornly refusing to leave the past behind.
We have known for years that, from a psychological point of view, this is not healthy. Holding onto anger clouds people’s judgment and impacts their mood in the long term.
A new study now reveals that it can also have a negative impact on our physical health. Scientists have found that even brief outbursts of anger, triggered by memories of past experiences, damage blood vessels, increasing the risk of stroke and heart attack.
Holding on to anger clouds people’s judgment and impacts their mood in the long term. Even brief outbursts of anger damage blood vessels, increasing the risk of stroke and heart attack.
It’s tempting to think that not holding a grudge somehow lets the other person off the hook, but, as wronged as we may feel, the reality is that letting our anger fester is not punishing at all. all the other person.
Making sure your feelings are known is certainly a good thing, but rejecting closure only eats you up inside and has little impact on the degree of regret or guilt the other party feels.
There is another side to all this. Studies have shown that grudges can foster a feeling of moral superiority, making it even more difficult to let go of them.
The incumbent feels not only vindicated but also convinced that he is right and, therefore, that he is the better person. Such thinking is also detrimental to our long-term psychological health, because it does not allow us to learn from what happened, try to understand it, or even empathize with the other people involved.
Resentments are not inevitable. Interestingly, studies have shown that people prone to jealousy, sensitivity, immaturity, negativity, and lack of impulse control may be more likely to hold them back.
Feeling angry or upset in the moment is a good thing, but never dealing with it will cause problems – and not just for you.
Constantly feeling resentful is something that is upsetting to other people in your life. It seems bitter, unforgiving and deep-rooted and makes them wonder if, one day, they might find themselves enduring the same treatment.
So, since grudges aren’t good for your mental or physical health, or your interpersonal relationships, how do you let go of them?
Simply recognizing that resentment exists could help reduce it.
A study of people who admitted to holding grudges found that many of them couldn’t even completely remember the reason. Accepting yours and trying to remember and understand what led to it can help you gain perspective.
Ask yourself why you are having such a strong, emotional reaction to what happened or the way someone behaved. Chances are your feelings are related to something else in your life.
For example, someone forgot your birthday, but the pain this triggered is actually linked to deeper fears of being alone, abandoned, or rejected.
Think about your role in what happened and how you would do things differently from now on. Think about your boundaries and how you make them clear to others. Remember that letting go of a grudge is not necessarily about forgiveness, but rather about no longer holding onto the anger.
Try to show empathy. Rather than rushing to condemn someone else, think about why they might have behaved a certain way. This doesn’t mean you’re excusing their behavior, but understanding it means it’s easier to let it go.
Avoid jumping to conclusions. We often assume we know what someone was thinking or the motivation behind their actions without being sure.
Is there an alternative, more charitable explanation for what happened?
Acknowledge your feelings, sit with them, and think about how you can deal with them in a constructive way that allows you to move forward rather than dwell on the past.
Focus on developing other coping skills. Practice relaxation techniques, focusing on the positive, exercising, and talking calmly with friends.
Take a step back and let those negative feelings go!
I’m confused by people who say if you care about the NHS you should vote Labour. I think the Conservatives have made many mistakes with the NHS over the years, but you only have to look at the Labor-led NHS in Wales to see what a disaster it has been.
You are right to wait, Kate
The Princess of Wales will not return to duty this month as some had hoped and will not take part in Trooping the Color rehearsals.
I’m glad she’s taking her time after chemotherapy.
When I worked in the cancer field many years ago, I remember that patients often felt pressured to do certain things, such as going to a wedding or attending a work meeting. I understood the desire to try to return to some semblance of normal life, but that would very often delay their recovery.
The Princess of Wales will not return to duty this month and will not attend Trooping the Color rehearsals
They would be exhausted for days just because they didn’t want to disappoint others. Cancer patients are also at much higher risk of contracting infections.
She may be our future queen, but Kate is also a mother and if she has any energy in reserve, it should be reserved for her three children.
She gives us a great example of how to take time to recover.
I love the idea announced by Rishi Sunak that all 18 year olds will have to carry out national service. This is something I’ve argued for before in this column and I’m glad the Prime Minister listened!
Yes, it will provide a sense of civic pride that many young people seem to be sorely lacking. But it will also be an opportunity to grow psychologically. This will force them to be more independent, respect authority and understand teamwork.
This will allow them to interact with people from other backgrounds while benefiting from structure and discipline. They will learn resilience and be less self-obsessed. In years to come, they will look back with a sense of pride that will energize them for the rest of their lives.
Dr. Max prescribes… The 20-minute rule
It’s a surprisingly simple way to drink less. Every time you want a glass of wine, wait 20 minutes before pouring one. This applies to your first drink of the evening, as well as all subsequent ones.
You can still have a glass after 20 minutes, but it’s a clever way to break the chain of drinking several in a row when you’re out socializing or breaking up that “it’s 6 p.m. for a rosé” wine hour end of the day”. habit.
Who knows, at 6:20 p.m. you might not want to.
Every time you want an alcoholic drink, wait 20 minutes before pouring one.