Between financial problems, relationship problems and health concerns, there is no shortage of worries throughout our lives.
According to the American Psychological Association, about a third of people report that stress is overwhelming most of the time. Some of these concerns are incredibly valid. The cost of living is absurdly high, health issues (a pandemic, anyone?) can cause intense anxiety, and conflicts can be extremely painful.
However, there are many other scenarios that we often overthink that aren’t worth it. As the old saying goes, “most of the things we worry about don’t happen.”
To test how true this is, HuffPost spoke to people in their 80s, 90s, and 100s to get their thoughts on the things that worried them when they were younger. And it turns out they wasted time worrying about some things that might worry you now. Here’s what they said:
They would like to not care what people think of them.
Jackie Stricker, who is 100 years old and lives independently in Near Saint-Jean in Rochester, New York, said that, during his teenage years, “I guess what people thought of me mattered to me.”
Although this worried her in her youth, what people thought of her became less of a concern as she got older.
“Sometimes people don’t like you and there’s really nothing you can do about it,” she told HuffPost. “They themselves don’t even know why, so I don’t care.”
They would like not to put too much emphasis on the outcome of situations.
When asked what he thinks young people should worry less about, Kenny Vance, an 80-year-old musician who splits his time between New York and Florida, told HuffPost that the outcome of certain situations should be less worrying.
“If you look at the result before you go through the process, it’s just something that comes from your imagination, it’s not related to reality,” said Vance, lead singer of the doo-wop group Kenny Vance and the Planotones and a documentary, “Heart and Soul: A Love Story,” premiering on PBS in June.
Instead of overthinking a situation or letting your negativity stop you from doing something, just show up, Vance said.
“I guarantee if you show up, something will happen that you didn’t expect.” It’s never what you expect,” he said. “‘Don’t expect what you expect,’ I think that’s a good aphorism.”
They would like to not worry about being bored in retirement.
Ruth Snyderman-Works, 87, said she worries a lot about how much free time she will have once she retires. Snyderman-Works has co-owned an art gallery in Philadelphia with her husband, Rick Snyderman, for more than 50 years.
“I was very worried about closing the gallery and what I would do all day after being tied up for 52 years,” Snyderman-Works told HuffPost. “Since then, it seems like the days go by quickly. We live in a condo on a street where there are so many people we can socialize with.
The couple said they stay busy and social by seeing former employees, former clients, friends, artists and people young and old and with different beliefs than their own.
“There are so many ways to talk to people that you find places where you can have some sort of commonality,” Snyderman told HuffPost. “And if you only talk about the ones where you have differences, it’s a pretty sad and empty life, and we’ve never lived that kind of life.”
“So we don’t worry about our time anymore,” Snyderman-Works added. “That greatest fear is gone.”
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They wish they didn’t worry so much about their appearance.
“I used to worry a lot about appearances that I stopped worrying about in my 40s and 50s,” Naomi Goldrich, a 91-year-old who lives in California, told HuffPost. “Was I dressed well?” Do I look good? I was very tall and very skinny, and I was always afraid of feeling like a geek.
She said appearance became very important, especially in high school, when girls were eager to wear a certain type of sweater or a certain type of shoe. “And I come from a poor family. We didn’t have the money to buy these shoes and this sweater,” she said.
Over time, Goldrich learned that looks actually weren’t that important, she said.
“As long as I was clean and neat, my appearance didn’t matter,” Goldrich said. What really mattered “was what I did – and I decided to actively reorient my life. I studied law and began to live my life far from appearances.
They would like not to catastrophize the end of the world.
“I remember that maybe when I was 5 years old … adults talking about the world was going to stop,” said Diane Johnson, an 85-year-old woman who lives in Connecticut. “I remember looking out the window for a long time waiting for this to happen.”
For Johnson, it was the early 1940s, when World War II was raging and the United States was recovering from the bombing of Pearl Harbor. People might now worry about political conflicts, racial tensions, or the effects of climate change. All of these concerns are real, and just like then, many people around the world today are not immune from these situations.
But, for those who are physically safe from these threats, there is a difference between worrying and catastrophizing, which is when you fall into the trap of “what if” and your mind moves on in fight or flight survival mode when that is not the case. need of. This leads to stress, anxiety, and a lot of worry about a situation that you are physically safe from.
They would like people not to worry about getting revenge on someone.
Bob Wheeler, an 82-year-old from Connecticut, said he’s never worried much in his life, but he sees a lot of people around him worrying about something that’s a waste of time: revenge.
“Some people (…) feel that they must take revenge. If they get an unsolicited phone call or email or whatever, they have to retaliate and try to get back at the person doing it, and that never works,” Wheeler said. “You’ll just have to ignore these things…and you’ll live longer if you do that.” (Feeling like you have to get back at someone creates stress, and stress is bad for your heart, gut health, and more.)
For some, they didn’t worry at all – and that served them well.
Jerry Spoerl, an 87-year-old who lives in New Jersey, said that instead of worrying about a situation, he did research so he could make necessary, informed changes. He also prays when he is worried.
Worrying only creates a distraction, he said. “Get the ants out of your head – just focus on real things, not what might happen,” Spoerl said.
When he faces a problem, it’s quick. Spoerl can easily put this aside and remind himself that what he’s worried about isn’t true or isn’t as bad as he thinks.
“Part of my mental approach, if I have a bad thought or something, I say to myself, “Jerry, you’re a nice old man and you should have confidence in yourself,” and that helps me to think. help,” Spoerl said.
For Jerry’s 80th birthday, his kids had shirts made with one of his go-to slogans: “75% of this life is complete bullshit.” It’s a good mantra: who wants to waste their life worrying about BS?